When I was a little girl, I used to write in journals…that is, until my mother found them and I’d abandon them. I stopped writing for a long time…and writing is like breathing. Privacy is a huge deal to me.
I started this Tumblr four years ago chiefly as a way for my friends to see how I was doing mentally when I was symptomatic and didn’t feel like talking (and to a much lesser degree, so I could work on my creative non-fiction). It’s always been easier for me to compose myself on paper. I would either give these trusted people the web address personally, or I would link posts to my locked Twitter account. Over time, I started linking posts to different Tumblr hashtags, and I met people through them. It’s fine if they read what I write, because by tagging posts I invited them in to the conversation.
I intentionally don’t use my last name here, and try to avoid major identifying details, because I don’t want my family to be able to find this. (If you’ve been reading for a while, you understand the bigger story why.) I cannot possibly write honestly otherwise, nor can I be honest about my feelings to myself. And the first person we lie to is ourselves. This is a very, very, very personal space that I make semi-public only so I can a) interact with other people who have my disease, b) keep my dear friends, who are my family, updated, and c) just get these emotions out of me. Making a Tumblr was by far the simplest solution to all three.
This is not the first time I’ve written about the importance I place on privacy.
But I’ve also had a stat tracker on here from day one. I can tell how you found my Tumblr, whether it’s through hashtags, a link I put on Twitter, or if you just googled until you found it. I can tell locations, service providers, times, and IP addresses. I can tell many things.
And someone in Tuscaloosa has been reading this blog A LOT this year—at one point upwards of seven times a day. It backed off for a while, so I kinda let it go. I like to think it’s because they realized that reading someone’s blog about extremely personal things without them knowing or giving access is, at best, an ethical grey area.
But this person’s rearing up again.
I don’t know anyone who lives in Tuscaloosa. And I know you sure didn’t find my blog through hashtags or via Twitter. I have suspicions.
If I’m right, I’m furious.
I would love to know who you are, how you found this space, and what your intentions could possibly be. I’m almost positive you have no business being here or even reading this. This space isn’t for you.